I fell asleep listening to the sounds of Revolver as the thought drifted into my mind - perhaps spurred by the ringing in my ear that I occasionally get that always reminds me of the famous deaf composer who heard ringing in his ears before eventually losing his sense of hearing - of how strange it would be for me to all of a sudden go deaf. Oh, the sweet sounds I would miss...

Our first Christmas together

Christmas Eve 2008: Jeff and I spent a romantic evening in Takamatsu at the Ana Hotel overlooking Takamatsu harbor. We had spent the day in a crazy daze in our attempt to travel here from Kurashiki. We were given instructions by Mr. Uchiyama, the gentlemen in charge of our self guided tour, on how to travel to Takamatsu by train. I had the instructions written out on a small piece of paper with a mindset to arrive without trouble. Our perfect plan was derailed, however, when the train stopped not in a town, but at a tiny station platform between two smaller towns. A young conductor dressed to the tee in his blue chinned hat attempted to inform of us of why we needed to exit the train. This was one of the few times in Japan where Jeff and I actually felt the sting of the language barrier. We had no idea what he was trying to tell us and he had no idea how to convey his message to us in any way other than his own. It took us a few minutes to be persuaded but we finally grabbed our things and unloaded ourselves onto the platform. The wind chilled me to the bone as I stood huddled amidst the large mass of people who had exited the train with my large backpack leaned against my feet. Jeff smoked a cigarette out on the end of the platform where the smoker's boundary resides. Our train, the Marineliner a glorious double decker of a luxury train, disappeared into the distance. We were absolutely dumbfounded. Where were we? Where is our train going? And how the hell are we going to get to Takamatsu? A small, subway-looking train car pulled up the the platform something like thirty minutes later. Everyone piled in. Every one. Recall the double decker detail of our previous ammenities and you can get the picture. I found my way into the luggage rack located behind a row of seats. I have never felt so crowded in my life - not in the stinky subways of Italy or even the busiest in Tokyo. I recall the yammering noise of shrill yapping coming from a huddled group of young Japanese school girls. It was defeaning. The train swayed along and finally stopped at Uno station, the end of the line. Jeff told me later that he was reading the train map on the wall, attempting to figure out our location in the instance that we were completely screwed. He saw us heading for the end of the line and wondered. We all piled out of the small cars and onto another platform - this one leading to a large ferry boat on a dock where trucks were being loaded. We were given a ticket and directed towards the boat where we waited. We had no idea where we were. What choice did we have? We got in line for the boat. Jeff questioned the ticket taker and those surrounding us, asking, "Takamatsu?" We received the general consensus that this was where we were headed so we boarded the boat and away we went. We surely arrived in Takamatsu after a beautiful ferry ride across the inland sea, one that I was not able to enjoy fully as I was pregnant and my stomach was also quite sensitive to the motions of the sea. We were informed later by Mr. Uchiyama that due to a strong weather system moving through the area, the wind speeds were so high that the Seto Inland Sea Bridge had been closed which explained our ferry detour. He also informed us that this was actually a very special detour as many Japanese never get to see the inland sea from a ferry and it is truly beautiful sight to see. Our ferry arrived in Takamatsu harbor and I recognized our hotel from the picture we were given on our itenerary. With our wonderful luck, it was located just down the street from the ferry port and we were able to walk there. The strong winds from the incoming storm blew ferociously along the sea front, it was like walking through a tornado to get to the hotel - I actually felt like I might blow away. I'm surprised some of the other people didn't. We settled into our hotel and readied ourselves for dinner. We had two vouchers to a Christmas dinner buffet at the hotel that we were both looking forward to. Feeling quite sick, I was definitely looking forward to a Christmas meal - even if it was a bit Japanese, I knew they would have to have something familiar that I could survive on. Sure enough, the most delectable crab legs Jeff and I have ever experienced. We ate heaps of them. And no, we didn't look like fat Americans because everyone else in that hotel was eating mounds of them too. The people in the kitchen had some special contraption that allowed them to cut a perfect rectangle ouf of every single leg that allowed you to dig into each one with a tiny fork and excavate every bit of meat. It was glorious. And the crab legs weren't it, everything was phenomenal. We sat by a wall of windows as the snow flurries floated through the black sea sky outside. The candle lights and dim glow reflected in the glass as we dined, living like kings.
Christmas 2009: Jeff and I are engaged, we have a four month old son and we are so blessed and happy with our lives together. We will spend our first Christmas together as a family in our home town at his grandfather's nursing home. While I understand completely and I have no complaints about doing this, we are spending our Christmas in a nursing home. How depressing is that? We will cook all the food and gather up all of the presents and bundle up the baby and drive over to Papa's nursing home so that we can all have Christmas together. I feel like a selfish person, but it's just not quite how I imagine us celebrating Christmas together. Let's hear it once more for 2009!

A potential idea:

Jefferson and I traveled through Japan last December for a month. It was the experience of a lifetime (one that I'm sure I will allude to and reminisce about frequently) and Jeff told me later that he thought about asking me if I wanted to get married while we were there. I look back and wish that we would have. When we left for the trip we had been dating for two years, we knew we wanted to be married - we just weren't in any hurry. I had one more semester of college before starting on my Masters and he had a couple of years left of school. We both simply assumed we would just wait to get married once we were both finished with school.

When we returned from Japan in January, we were surprised with the news that we would be blessed with a baby boy in August. I must interject here that when we were informed of this news, we were not excited. We love our little Carter dearly - now. However, when the news of a baby comes amidst your perfectly planned little life (without plans of a baby)... it is a bit shocking. especially to two 20 somethings as in love and selfish as Jeff and I. We considered adoption but ultimately chose to have Carter Sinclair - and we are blessed because of it. Life is rich now. And crazy... but worth it. That little baby is here for a reason. Anyway, as it turns out, I was a month pregnant in Japan which explains why the smell of/taste of/thought of fish turned my stomach like a front loading washer. Needless to say, life began to get a little crazy.

I grew up in a very conservative, Christian home. One in which I was trained to be an obedient young lady who would grow up, do well in school, graduate from college, get a job, find a husband, and live happily, successfully, and purely ever after. Ideally. Well who wants to be ideal? Mistakes are just different ways of doing things, right? My parents, most especially my angry and emotional father (I am the only daughter, and I am the youngest...), were not happy with my "sinful ways" which had now yielded them their first grandchild. The story of their reaction is a whole different load off my mind...

To get to my idea...
Due to the varied opinions on each side of our families, some believing we should wed before the baby others that we should wait, Jeff and I did nothing. It was too stressful. I should add here that my father lost his job in May and my parents have been living on my mother's salary (who works as a manager at James Avery Craftsman store) along with his unemployment. As my father could not find a job, he decided to enroll in online college courses with the aid of student loans. ??? Not the best time, Dad. He also took this "time off" to get the updated surgery on his foot that was operated on a few years back from an injury. With all of this, I would never want to ask my parents to put themselves in a tight situation just to fund my wedding. Being a fairly typical girl in many ways, I want a wedding. I do not want a huge extravagant wedding... but I do want a wedding, a simple one. Even the simple wedding that I would prefer cannot be afforded at this point. So, I will compromise now and have a "real wedding" or "real reception" later.

Jeff's mother mentioned to me last night that she would pay for my wedding band as well as for us to have a party on New Year's Eve if Jeff and I would go to the Justice of the Peace and get married soon. Being as all of our close friends will be in town for New Year's and it is the three year anniversary of our meeting, it sounded like a potentially good idea. Kind of romantic, simple; a celebration with friends (which is ultimately what we want). Plus! I'm ready to marry Jeff! He and Carter are Boeck and I am Dowell... as much as I don't think that I care about labels and how I am perceived, I want my son and my husband's last name... and I want him actually be my "husband". I hate society... but I love my family. Jeff called this morning and told me that he feels like New Year's would be too soon and stressful to plan for and he just doesn't feel like it is as good as we could do. His idea... wait until the summer and get our marriage liscense here and then go out to Washington D.C. for a week and see if we can have a small vows ceremony there - just the two of us. Then we could enjoy ourselves in D.C. and the surrounding areas for a week which would be wonderful. Another plus, Carter will be almost a year old but that point which means leaving him for a week with my parents wouldn't be a huge burden for them (because as of now... he still eats every 3 to 4 hours; he goes to sleep around 6 or 7 pm and wakes up at 4 or 5 am... it's a bit intrusive). So! Perhaps this will work out. I think it would be fun to plan for and while it is never what I would have dreamed of as my wedding, I will love it and we will celebrate!

Good news today: the window that was broken out of my car was repaired on insurance AND! the glass company who did the work waived the deductible. I grew up going to church with the owner and his kind deed really helped us out today. Also! Jeff's birthday is Saturday and we have been blessed with birthday monies! Life can surprise you in the most peculiar ways.

I normally prefer pen and paper...

I must admit, I have definitely considered starting a blog before. Perhaps the fact that it is called a "blog" deterred me... blog, it's like yogurt - a very awkward, sad word. I have a lot of thoughts throughout the day and, as an English major, I naturally want to get them out of my brain and onto paper. Normally, I prefer pen and paper. There is something about the way my brain communicates to my hand with a pen in it - like a direct channel, the wires being touched together to ignite the electricity in a battery. However, I have to be realistic in the fact that as I have grown up in a generation blessed/cursed/burdened/enlightened by computers... I type much faster than I write. I'm sure this nifty little word processor date stamps, organizes, archives, and saves all of my thoughts along with allowing me to center, bullet, bold, and spell check - I think I can even insert a picture... wow.
My fiance and I had our first son, Carter, back in August. Our lives have been an absolute whirlwind in the past year and as we look back on things, I can't help but see them as a story or a book or just something worth writing down. Jeff and I, along with our family, friends, and just the world in general have been smacked across the face with 2009. I can't help but look on all of it as a comical mess - and I guess that is life.